Stream “Four Score and Seven,” the First Track Available off Titus Andronicus’s Sophomore Effort The Monitor, Which, as You May Already Know, is Entirely Based on the Civil War, and Therefore is Too Intrinsically Awesome to Warrant a Joke [Myspace]

Stream “Back to the Sun” and “Girlfriend Swap” From Fucked Up and Marvelous Darlings Side Project, Roommates, Which, Considering the Source Bands, is Really Fucking Happy [Gorilla vs. Bear]

What Do Black Hammers, What I’d Guess the Drummer from Staind Looks Like, Basketball, and a Ton of Rorschach Tests Have in Common? Jay Z’s Video For “On To the Next One” Attempts to Provide a Vague Explanation [Idolator]

Stream All of Vampire Weekend’s Sophomore Release Contra, More than a Full Week Before Its January 12th Release Date; Feel Genuinely Moved By It, Grow To Hate Yourself Over That Sensation, Purchase a Timeshare in Cape Cod to Deal With the Conflict [Myspace]

UK Charity, Warchild, Announces Tracklist for David Bowie Tribute Album, Which Features Vivian Girls Doing “John I’m Only Dancing” and A Place to Bury Strangers Covering, “Suffragette City,” Neither of Which I’d Expect to Have Ever Actually Listened to David Bowie, But Most Likely Enjoyed His Frequent Appearances on Wes Anderson Soundtracks [NME]

Kanye West Announces That He is Currently Working on a New Album, Likens Self to “Kobe on the Court,” Meaning that He Will Most Likely Hog the Microphone, and Purposefully Alienate Anyone Else He is Surrounded With in Attempt to Inflate His Already Massive Ego (Which, Weirdly, Already Sounds Exactly Like Kanye) [Kanyeuniversecity]

Joanna Newsom Announces U.S. Tour Dates; Is Playing Grand Rapids, Michigan, Milwaukee, and Philadelphia Instead of New York; Harp Enthusiasts Disappointed, But Few In Number, and Therefore Lack Impact [Pitchfork]

Unicorns/Islands Frontman Nick Thorburn and Man Man’s Honus Honus Announce New Collaboration, Claiming it Will Be “Doom-Wop,” Which is Officially My Favorite Invented Genre (Sorry, Piss-Wave, You’ve Been Bested) [Prefix]

compiled by Max Sebela

News is as slow as the circulation in our extremities in this weather. Instead of scouring blogs for news, sit down by the fire, and read the New Yorker’s profile on Vampire Weekend, the Ivy League’s finest output in the last 15 years (take that Mark Zuckerberg. You may own our web, but you will never own our hearts).

Elsewhere, R.I.P., Vic Chestnut. You’ll be missed.

by Max Sebela

Download ATL RMX, a New Compilation From Cartoon Purveyors/Obvious Psychedelic Drug Users Adult Swim Featuring Atlanta Hip-Hop Remixed by HEALTH, SALEM, and Other All Capitalized Hipster Electronica Projects [Gorilla vs. Bear]

Stream New Smashing Pumpkins, “A Song for a Son,” the first of 44 Songs that Will Make Up the Predestined Tragedy that is Teargarden by Kaleidyscope; Elsewhere, What the Hell Happened to the Smashing Pumpkins’ Website? It Looks Like it Was Taken Over By Grateful Dead Groupies, Circa 1978 [Spinner]

Rivers Cuomo Injured in Tour Bus Accident (Don’t Worry, He’s Okay); Weezer Cancels Remainder of their U.S Tour; Rivers Heard to Shout “God Damn You Half Visible Black Ice…You Do It to Me Every Time” [Spin]

Sigur Ros Frontman Jonsi Birgisson Has Fronted a Band, a Duo, and Now a Solo Project – Announces Solo Debut Go; Stream the First Available Track “Boy Lilikoi,” Which is Maybe the Most Orchestral Thing Jonsi Has Ever Done…Which is Confusing, Considering Sigur Ros is a Orchestral Rock Band…; Released March 21 [Pitchfork]

Chan Marshall, Better Known as Cat Power, Announces Her Next Album, Her First Collection of Original Songs Since 2006’s The Greatest. She’ll Be Recording It Without Her Backing Band, And Claims the Songs are “Sad,” and That Makes Her “Nervous,” So Let’s Hope its “Good” So She Has Nothing to Worry “About” [NME]

Postal Service Attempting to Drain Shellac’s Steve Albini, and the Children of Chicago of Any/All Christmas Spirit, Demanding the Letters to Santa Program Send All Their Charitable Gifts Through the Mail…No, Not that Postal Service. THAT Postal Service [Pitchfork]

Stream New Vampire Weekend, “California English Pt. 2,” and Hear as Vampire Weekend Continues to Convince Me That They are Emotively and Musically Not Only Important, But Necessary…Watch My Brain Meltdown as I Become Paradoxical to Everything I Initially Believed About Myself, Doubt Existence as It Currently Stands [Prefix]

Frightened Rabbit, the Second Nervous-Animals to Be Featured in Today’s Daily News Picks (See Above), Announce Their Next Album, The Winter of Mixed Drinks, to be Released on March 1, Following an Allegedly Drunken, Jager-Bomb Fuelled Winter [NME]

compiled by Max Sebela

IN THE TUBE
When I saw that Vampire Weekend released a new music video this week, my first thought was: great, this week’s In The Tube will be easy. All I have to do is watch this new video and then write about how awful Vampire Weekend is; maybe throw in a line like “I liked them better when they were Paul Simon,” and then top it off with a joke about Cape Cod (Kwassa Kwassa). Easy. When I finally watched the video, however, something strange and profoundly disturbing happened: I liked it. And not in an ironic way. I sincerely liked it.

But why? I hate them. I hate their inane, unapologetically self-aware songwriting, and I hate their stupid Ivy League clothes and their annoying proclivity for Afro-pop. So why did this video make me feel so…good? I played it a second time, and as I watched each band member take turns banging wildly on a church bell while being dollied through explosions of white confetti, it came to me: I like this video because it is good. Honestly, it’s a good video. Quick, succinct, somewhat creative, and undeniably fun. Even the song itself, in its own contentedly meaningless way, is good. I still hate Vampire Weekend – in fact, I might hate them even more now, but I can’t deny how this video makes me feel.

It’s like watching the TV show Friends. Just like Vampire Weekend, the entire cast is made up of white, post-grad 20-somethings who live in the Upper West Side of NYC, a place where, apparently, people have no real problems, only heart-warming comical hijinks. I despise show’s premise, characters, and ridiculously saccharine opening sequence. And yet, whenever I watch an episode (which, admittedly, I do from time to time) and Chandler makes a sarcastic, self-effacing retort to one of Ross’s whiny foibles, I can’t help but laugh. Because it’s funny – despite what most of my brain thinks. And that’s the key, I think, to enjoying Vampire Weekend. You just have to turn off the critical, discerning part of your brain, and like their music for what it is. Later on, when “A-Punk” starts playing at a party and the girl next to you starts singing along, you can let the hatred seep back in.

by Tom Mooseker

Stream Alicia Keys Performing an Update to the Now Ubiquitous Jay Z Blueprint 3 Jam “Empire State of Mind,” Which, If Not Already Cliched Enough, Actually Includes the Line “If You Can Make It Here, You Can Make It Anywhere;” Still Lacks Proper Vaudevillian Accent [Idolator]

Beck, Never One to Turn Away From a Fight (I’m Not Sure This is Accurate, But Let’s Run With It) Posts a Song About Harry Partch After Fiery Furnaces Matt Friedberger Made a Crack About Him – Learn More “In the News” Later Tonight at JM.com [NME]

Interpol Announce Fourth Album, and Claim it Will Be Better Than 2007’s Our Love to Admire, Which In Itself, Really Needed to Be Better Than Antics…But I Have Faith Guys!…Maybe; Released Early 2010 [Paste]

Stream New Animal Collective, “Graze,” The Opener to the Upcoming Fall Be Kind EP; The Track Undoes a Lot of the “Brian-Wilson” Pop Steps Merriweather Pushed Forward, Moving Back To Sprawling Psychedelia ; Let’s Call It Animal Collective “Classic,” or Better Yet “Animal Classective” [Stereogum]

Watch Ray Davies, Former Kink, Perform “You Really Got Me” on Letterman; The Most Surprising Part: Features an Enormous Choir of Middle Aged Men and Women. Least Suprising: Is a Bastardized Version of the Original, Sounding More Like Van Halen’s Awful Update [Prefix]

Myspace Buys Popular Social Network/Music Streaming Service Imeem, Meaning That Rupert Murdoch Probably Owns Songs You Haven’t Yet Recorded; Beware, Young Songwriters, Beware (But Please, Still Write Songs…I’d Be Out of Work Without You) [Brooklyn Vegan]

Stream L.A.’s Garage (Lolli)Pop Band the Dum Dum Girls Covering The Misfits’ “Last Caress,” Which is Just Alright, In My Opinion (But Don’t Trust My Opinion) [Myspace]

The Decemberists’ Turn 2009 Flop The Hazards of Love Into a Full Length Animated Film, Seemingly Still Determined to Prove That Listening to the 80-Minute Operatic Monstrosity is Somehow Worthwhile (It’s Not, Guys…There’s Petticoats, Outdated Literary Tropes, and Prog Breakdowns…and Somehow It Wound Up Not Awesome. Lick Your Wounds, Move on); Watch the Trailer Here [Pitchfork]

Watch Vampire Weekend’s Video For Contra Cut “Cousins;” Contra, Which I’m Already Declaring Both the Best and Worst Album of 2010-2020, Released January 12 [Stereogum]

compiled by Max Sebela

Watch Video For Passion Pit’s “Little Secrets” (The One With All Those Kids Screaming “Higher and Higher! Yay!”); Video Looks a Lot Like Tron, But Not Nearly As Good (It’s Only Marginally Better Than Tron Legacy) [Youtube]

Someone Decided a Sleigh Bells/Weezy Mash-Up Was a Good Idea; We Bring You “Fireman on the Ground,” Which is Terrifyingly Abrasive. Elsewhere, Check Out Our Pictures of Sleigh Bells Playing Our October Feature Show [Prefix]

Stream Brooklyn’s Crystal Antlers Covering Bob Dylan’s “It’s All Over Now, Baby Blue,” Which Is Great In a We-Sound-Like-High-Schoolers-Covering-Dylan Kind of Way [Fader]

Your Favorite Post-Collegiate, Post-Ironic, Afro-Bombastic Pop Band Vampire Weekend Announce Winter US Tour; Contra, In All It’s Fantastically Despised Glory, is Released January 17; Elsewhere, Stream New VW Track “Cousins,” Which I Despise Fantastically [NME]

King Khan and BBQ Show Issue Statement About the Band’s Arrest; All Interested Parties Remain Unphased and Unsurprised by Fact that These Guys Keep a Good Stock of Shrooms in Their Tour Van [Pitchfork]

Stream New Beach House, “Norway,” off the Upcoming LP Teen Dream, Released January 26 (I Know, Usually, at the Very Mention of Beach House, I Would Imply How Boring They Are. But, This Song Quite Gorg……. – Whoops, Fell Alseep Again (Kidding, It’s Really Good) [Gorilla vs. Bear]

Watch Possibly Seizure Inducing Video For Beyonce and Lady Gagas’ “Video Phone;” I Know You’ve Always Wanted to See Beyonce and Gaga Wield Enormous Guns…Give Into That Urge [Spin]

NME Releases Hilariously “NME-Esque” List of Their Top Albums of the Decade; Top Ten Includes the Strokes (at Number 1), Libertines (Number 2), Primal Scream (Number 3), The Streets (Number 9)…Well, You Get it. They Like Brit-Rock. A Lot [NME]

compiled by Max Sebela

Stream “Bad Design,” A New Single From San Francisco’s The Mantles, Which Sounds Like Joe Strummer Moonlighting as the Hungover Frontman For An Early, Drunk Version of Green Day [Gorilla vs. Bear]

Watch New York’s Own Ezra Furman and the Harpoons Cover Daniel Johnston’s “Walking the Cow” – Appearance of Band Eerily Similar to Early Look of the Shins; Possibly Same Band [Spin]

Vampire Weekend Prep New Single From Upcoming LP Contra; “Cousins,” (Which Hopefully Will Slant Rhyme “Cousins,” With “Cuff-Links”) Released November 17 [Pitchfork]

Former Oasis Co-Frontman Noel Gallagher Confirms Plan to Pursue Career as Solo Musician After Oasis’s Split; Doesn’t Confirm Whether or Not His Music Will Be Tolerable; Confirms He Has Only Thought About Himself For Last Six Months, Therefore Confirming My Suspicions That Noel Gallagher is Shitty Person [NME]

German Nu-Metal Band Rammstein (Most Popularly Known For The Fist-Pumping Confusion of “Du Has”) Release Most Explicit “Special Edition” Album Packaging Of All Time, Including Five “Pleasure Tools” Modeled After The Band Members’ Err…Rams-stein [Idolator]

Billy Corgan to Control Fighting Doll Version of Himself, and Attempt to Take Down Doll Robert Smith; Smashing Pumpkins Hope That Doll Corgan Take Control of Smashing Pumpkins, As Even an Inanimate Doll Would Be More Respectable Than Billy Corgan Himself [Pitchfork]

Public Enemy Has Raised Over $50,000 From Fans to Record Next Album; Chuck D Heard To Intelligently Say Something About “Taking Power Back” From Recording Companies; Meanwhile, Flava Flav Exploiting Himself For Lacking a High School Education [NME]

compiled by Max Sebela

UK Long-Retired, Now-Active UK Songstress Vashti Bunyan To Play One NightAt 92nd Street Y in Tribeca Tonight; Screening Her Documentary Vashti Bunyan: From Here to Before Both Tonight and Tomorrow Night [Brooklyn Vegan]

Stream New Brooklyn Duo Coasting’s First Song “Coasting” (It’s Solid Garage Fuzz, With More Sprawling Guitar Than Wavves); Hopefully Their Album Will Also Be Called Coasting, And They Just Make Videos of Them Skimboarding on the Atlantic Coast [Gorilla vs. Bear]

Vampire Weekend Play a Bunch of Songs off Upcoming LP Contra (Released January 12) at London Show; NME Gives No Indication of Whether Songs Were Good or Bad, Or What They Sounded Like…I Create Vendetta Against NME For Lacking Such Opinions [NME]

Stream New LCD Soundsystem Single (That Alan Vega Cover He Mentioned Last Week) “Bye Bye Bayou” – It Is Quite Disco…More Disco Than Usual (And That’s Pretty Disco) [22 Tracks]

Watch Pavement’s Spiral Stairs’ Video For “Stolen Pills”…Which Realy Just Consists of Uhh…Stealing Pills. Stairs’ The Real Feel Released October 20 [Pitchfork]

The Flaming Lips To Record Track by Track Cover of Dark Side of the Moon; Only One Appropriate Joke For the Occasion: Fucking Hippies. [Pitchfork]

Ticketmaster Prints “Free Denny’s Hamburger” Coupon on Morrissey Ticket; Morrissey Vegetarian (If Meat is Murder Wasn’t Convincing Enough For You); This Writer Laughs, Animal Ethicist Peter Singer Cries (Probably; I Do Not Know The Man) [Idolator]

Jack White’s Other Garage Rock Band Dead Weather Already Halfway Through Follow-Up To This Year’s Horehound; Expecting Release Before End of 2009…I Convinced Jack White’s Business Proof That Sleeping = Optional For Human Beings [Spin]

compiled by Max Sebela